Insanity

Insanity is repeating the same action/behavior and expecting a different result. It's official--I'm insane.

I have migraines. I have had migraines since I hit puberty. I clearly remember sitting in a dark room and crying because my head hurt so bad. My mother dragged me around Beaumont hospital in El Paso because my head hurt all the time. I took aspirin, tylenol, something EVERY DAY because my head hurt. It wasn't until I graduated FROM COLLEGE and started teaching that a doctor finally said to me "Hey, you've got migraines." Wow, OK now I know. Then he told me that food, hormones, and environmental factors can trigger a migraine.

All right--puberty that explains the onset. So, I take birth control pills "continuously" to control the estrogen levels in my body. This reduces the chance of my having a hormone related migraine.

Environmental factors: not a whole lot I can do here, but I do what I can. I know working in my yard can trigger one, so I always shower as soon as I come in, take an allergy tablet, etc.

FOOD! AGH! The bane of my existence!

Alcohol is a trigger for me. I don't drink. At all. Never, Not a drop. Easy.

Chocolate, peanut butter, dairy, caffeine. all triggers for me----hmmm, you'd think I'd abstain right? This is where the insanity comes in. . .

Nope! I plow right on like some toddler who doesn't realize she is about to crash. Why? Why can I not face that piece of chocolate cake, peanut butter cup, cup of coffee and say "No! you are not worth the suffering that will insue!"

This one (migraine) was caused by two large cups of coffee I drank Sunday afternoon. Didn't even think about having a migraine later! Poured myself that coffee and drank it because I was cold. Now, i could have had some herbal tea, soup, put on a sweater--but the coffee was there, it smelled good and a I drank it---twice. And now I'm suffering. Why? I told you---because I am insane! I know this because a sane person would not willing inflict pain upon themselves.

Now, I'm no sissy. I had both my boys without pain meds. I've had dental surgery and refused to take codeine afterwards. But a migraine can stop me cold. A migraine makes me want to drill a hole in my head, pop my eye out, anything to release the pressure and pain I feel in my head. Given this you would think, that I a reasonably intelligent person, would look at a food item that I KNOW will trigger one of these miserable headaches and say "NO DEMON! Get thee away from me!" But I don't, until now. Here and now, on this board of support and accountability, I am saying to you and all, that I am going to make the healthy choice and STOP being a masochist. I am going to choose to abstain from foods that I know will make me miserable---and I want you to help me. If you see me about to stick chocolate, or some other demon food in my mouth, stop me, pull me back from in front of the bus! Please! Help me help myself!

Now, I'm off to take another migraine tablet. :)

Love to all,

T